Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
why do cheetos always look like penises
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
