his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
