Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
