Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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