Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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