I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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