Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
two words: eviction party
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
