I accidentally burped into my bong.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
