He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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