sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
