If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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