and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I AM VODKA MAN
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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