A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
