if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it hurts more in the daytime
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize