youre lurking in front of me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
