Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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