Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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