Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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