I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
