I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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