I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
