I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
