You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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