haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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