On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
