so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
