I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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