Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
