It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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