Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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