He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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