I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
