Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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