She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
