I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
