bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
