just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
