My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
