My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
