Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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