I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
