Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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