I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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