Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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