and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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