i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
as a side note pls kill me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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