the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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