I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize