4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
