youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
