You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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