Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
