you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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