So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
handjob tips. give me some.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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