when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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