Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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