You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
