I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
