Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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