My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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