I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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