I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize