i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
