matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
