She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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