R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dignity is for republicans.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
