then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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