wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
